Coming to Peace
lyrics by Bob Dylan
The war, at last, is over. My entire life--everything that I have ever been or done--has led up to this moment. My mission is complete.
But I know it is not that simple. All “peace” means is that I am cut loose, no longer able to fall back on someone else’s instructions. For the first time I am forced to make my own choices, and the choices have never been so hard.
My fingers stroke the thick chestnut hair blanketing my chest. No-one in any world has hair like this; sometimes I think it is its own entity, reflecting the mood of its owner.
Duo, Duo, you knew, didn’t you? You knew this was only until the war was over? We were soldiers seeking comfort, and boys seeking love...nothing more.
I don’t know when or how I made the decision to go to Relena and taste the life she had promised me. I only knew I had chosen, and it hurt.
May God’s blessing keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
and let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
and climb on every rung
and may you stay forever young
Duo stirs against me, and looks up. “Whatcha thinkin’, Heero?” he asks softly, even though he knows. He reads me even when I try to hide. He’s made an art form of it.
Still the words catch in my throat when I say them. “I’m going back tomorrow....”
“To Relena.” Duo is calm. Part of me wants him to protest, to force my hand, demand that I choose him. But that would not become the God of Death, my proud Duo, and it would not be best for either of us. So he only says, “I knew you would.”
“Are you coming?” I ask him awkwardly. I wrap my arms around him, to keep him close a little while longer.
He shakes his head. “No...I think it’ll be easier on us both if I don’t, koi. I’m gonna hang out with Hilde for a bit...see if I can’t do like you and make a normal life out of this.” He meets my eyes, and I swear there are entire worlds floating in those infinite violet orbs. “But Heero,” he promises, “if you ever do need me...you’ll be able to find me.”
I know we’re both making the right decisions. But I feel empty inside, hollow, like already some piece of me is missing.
Of course it is...I gave that piece to Duo.
“Aishiteru,” I whisper. The words sound strange in my voice, but I need to say them, this once.
“Oh, Heero, koi....” Duo ducks his head, hiding his face behind a curtain of hair, as if I won’t know he’s doing it to hide tears. “So this is what it takes for you to say that...?” There is as much pain in his voice as in mine.
He lifts his face--his vivid eyes are glistening wet, and neither of us care. He kisses me, and the emptiness inside me grows to envelop me, to invade every part of me but what he touches.
May you grow up to be righteous,
may you grow up to be true
may you always know the truth
and see the light surrounding you
May you always be courageous,
stand upright and be strong
and may you stay forever young
My Duo has none of my uncertainty. While I am swimming in those bottomless smoldering eyes, his hair enfolds me, his hands stroke each sensitive inch of skin with the familiarity of an old lover and the passion of a young god. His lips caress my neck and set fire to my chest, and I bury my face in the hollow of his neck. His hair smells of herbal shampoo, and his soft skin tastes of salt tears and sweat. I murmur his name, and he looks into my face and smiles--that dazzling smile that always stuns me, brilliant and beautiful, with the barest undertone of sadness beneath it.
“It’s our last night, Heero,” he murmurs, and some part of me pays note to the catch in his voice. “We should enjoy it.”
He ducks his head between my legs, swallowing me, and I moan. My head falls back onto the pillow, my world narrowed to the ecstatic touch of his mouth and the sight of his beautiful face, bent to pleasure, cloaked in the thick chestnut that flows around us. His tears glimmer on his skin, caught in the ethereal moonlight that casts its aura through the window. He knows me so well--every inch of me, every breath that urges him on, every eager movement of mine is his music, played on the instrument of my body, and never played so well. I moan his name as my world explodes, I release my seed and soul into his mouth and the palm of his hand. He leans to kiss me, salt tears and semen mingling their tastes in his mouth--there is nothing more intimate, and as his hands caress my body I am ready for him again. I want as much of him as I can consume before the morning comes to sever us. Whatever happens after dawn will be our whole lives--but for this night, there are no promises, no world, nothing but each other and a love that was never meant to last. Duo stretches out over me, languid and urgent at once, stunningly beautiful, merging his body with mine in a desperate thrust that brings a cry to both our lips. His fingers grip my arms, and his eyes are open--so are mine, fixed on his, drowning in them, memorising forever the image of him like this, young and strong and burning with passion for life and for me, Duo my saviour who made me feel again when I thought I was dead inside. I chant his name like a mantra, and see my own formed again and again on his lips. When he finally cries out, and I join him in moaning ecstasy to the ceiling, I can hardly see anymore. He collapses onto me, his cheek against my chest, and I wrap my arms around him.
“...love you, Heero,” he murmurs, his words barely more than warm breath against my skin. “Whatever happens, remember that.”
“I will,” I tell him honestly. My fingers find his chin and lift his face, caress the soft sweat-dampened cheek, brush across his lips. “I’ll always remember you, Duo. I’ll remember you just like this.”
Duo gives me that smile again. This then is the vision ingrained forever in my mind, for the rest of my life, when I think of him. His wondrous hair is mussed and tangled, his face flushed, his luminous eyes engraved forever on my soul.
May your hands always be busy,
may your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
when the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful,
may your song always be sung
and may you stay forever young
The war is over.