Coming to Peace
by Ashura
lyrics by Bob
Dylan
----
The war, at
last, is over. My entire life--everything that I have ever been or done--has
led up to this moment. My mission is complete.
But I know it
is not that simple. All “peace” means is that I am cut loose, no longer able to
fall back on someone else’s instructions. For the first time I am forced to
make my own choices, and the choices have never been so hard.
My fingers
stroke the thick chestnut hair blanketing my chest. No-one in any world has
hair like this; sometimes I think it is its own entity, reflecting the mood of
its owner.
Duo, Duo, you
knew, didn’t you? You knew this was only until the war was over? We were
soldiers seeking comfort, and boys seeking love...nothing more.
I don’t know
when or how I made the decision to go to Relena and taste the life she had
promised me. I only knew I had chosen, and it hurt.
May God’s blessing keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
and let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
and climb on every rung
and may you stay forever young
Duo stirs
against me, and looks up. “Whatcha thinkin’, Heero?” he asks softly, even
though he knows. He reads me even when I try to hide. He’s made an art form of
it.
Still the words
catch in my throat when I say them. “I’m going back tomorrow....”
“To Relena.”
Duo is calm. Part of me wants him to protest, to force my hand, demand that I
choose him. But that would not become the God of Death, my proud Duo, and it
would not be best for either of us. So he only says, “I knew you would.”
“Are you
coming?” I ask him awkwardly. I wrap my arms around him, to keep him close a
little while longer.
He shakes his
head. “No...I think it’ll be easier on us both if I don’t, koi. I’m gonna hang
out with Hilde for a bit...see if I can’t do like you and make a normal life
out of this.” He meets my eyes, and I swear there are entire worlds floating in
those infinite violet orbs. “But Heero,” he promises, “if you ever do need
me...you’ll be able to find me.”
I know we’re
both making the right decisions. But I feel empty inside, hollow, like already
some piece of me is missing.
Of course it
is...I gave that piece to Duo.
“Aishiteru,” I
whisper. The words sound strange in my voice, but I need to say them, this
once.
“Oh, Heero,
koi....” Duo ducks his head, hiding his face behind a curtain of hair, as if I
won’t know he’s doing it to hide tears. “So this is what it takes for you to
say that...?” There is as much pain in his voice as in mine.
He lifts his
face--his vivid eyes are glistening wet, and neither of us care. He kisses me,
and the emptiness inside me grows to envelop me, to invade every part of me but
what he touches.
May you grow up to be righteous,
may you grow up to be true
may you always know the truth
and see the light surrounding you
May you always be courageous,
stand upright and be strong
and may you stay forever young
My Duo has none
of my uncertainty. While I am swimming in those bottomless smoldering eyes, his
hair enfolds me, his hands stroke each sensitive inch of skin with the
familiarity of an old lover and the passion of a young god. His lips caress my
neck and set fire to my chest, and I bury my face in the hollow of his neck.
His hair smells of herbal shampoo, and his soft skin tastes of salt tears and
sweat. I murmur his name, and he looks into my face and smiles--that dazzling
smile that always stuns me, brilliant and beautiful, with the barest undertone
of sadness beneath it.
“It’s our last
night, Heero,” he murmurs, and some part of me pays note to the catch in his
voice. “We should enjoy it.”
He ducks his
head between my legs, swallowing me, and I moan. My head falls back onto the
pillow, my world narrowed to the ecstatic touch of his mouth and the sight of
his beautiful face, bent to pleasure, cloaked in the thick chestnut that flows
around us. His tears glimmer on his skin, caught in the ethereal moonlight that
casts its aura through the window. He knows me so well--every inch of me, every
breath that urges him on, every eager movement of mine is his music, played on
the instrument of my body, and never played so well. I moan his name as my
world explodes, I release my seed and soul into his mouth and the palm of his
hand. He leans to kiss me, salt tears and semen mingling their tastes in his
mouth--there is nothing more intimate, and as his hands caress my body I am
ready for him again. I want as much of him as I can consume before the morning
comes to sever us. Whatever happens after dawn will be our whole lives--but for
this night, there are no promises, no world, nothing but each other and a love
that was never meant to last. Duo stretches out over me, languid and urgent at
once, stunningly beautiful, merging his body with mine in a desperate thrust
that brings a cry to both our lips. His fingers grip my arms, and his eyes are
open--so are mine, fixed on his, drowning in them, memorising forever the image
of him like this, young and strong and burning with passion for life and for
me, Duo my saviour who made me feel again when I thought I was dead inside. I
chant his name like a mantra, and see my own formed again and again on his
lips. When he finally cries out, and I join him in moaning ecstasy to the ceiling,
I can hardly see anymore. He collapses onto me, his cheek against my chest, and
I wrap my arms around him.
“...love you,
Heero,” he murmurs, his words barely more than warm breath against my skin.
“Whatever happens, remember that.”
“I will,” I tell
him honestly. My fingers find his chin and lift his face, caress the soft
sweat-dampened cheek, brush across his lips. “I’ll always remember you, Duo.
I’ll remember you just like this.”
Duo gives me
that smile again. This then is the vision ingrained forever in my mind, for the
rest of my life, when I think of him. His wondrous hair is mussed and tangled,
his face flushed, his luminous eyes engraved forever on my soul.
May your hands always be busy,
may your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
when the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful,
may your song always be sung
and may you stay forever young
The war is
over.
~Owari~